So Alley sent me a link to this, along with the link to Cosmo's rebuttle of "21 Things Women Can Do That Guys Can't". Cosmo's list was alright, but not a direct rebuttle to the original list. Here is my take:
No.10 - Go topless
Sure, women can go topless on the beach, but we can do it whenever and wherever we please. Walking down the street? Off. Mowing the lawn? Off. Street ball? Skins. Rollerblading -- women can try it, but it might be painful. Still in doubt? What gender do you think is responsible for “No Shirts. No Shoes. No Service.”? Useless nipples and the lack of oversized sweat glands are the reasons for this entry on our list of things only men can do.
So, as a man, you are saying that women CANNOT go topless? Alright, if that's what you want...
No.9 - Hold our liquor
Sorry ladies, we’re genetically wired to pack it away a lot better than you. Men produce more of the protective enzyme alcohol dehydrogenase, which breaks down alcohol. This ultimately means that while you’re buzzing off one Cosmo and saying “I love this song” for five songs straight, we can enjoy another two whisky sours and continue to debate whether or not the world can be saved from global warming.
Even though there may be some scientific facts to back up this one, this is completely subjective and circumstantial. Yes, there are plenty of men who can hold their liquor better than I can - but there are plenty who cannot. Even so, men tend to drink even MORE than women as a result and end up in the same state (while spending more money!).
No.8 - Manscape
The playoff beard, the love canal, the Fu Manchu, and the goatee are strictly male innovations, and growing them are things only men can do. Plus we can wear chest, underarm, leg, ear, and nose hair as proudly and loudly as we like. Women? Sure they can imitate our Sasquatch look, but like the Sasquatch, they might limit their survival to a small band of tree huggers, who also share their “natural” beauty.
If I ever have the desire to grow a beard or some back hair, I'm pretty sure I can take some sort of hormone for it. Until then, I am content with losing the battle on this one.
No.7 - Navigate spatially
Men are much better at seeing things as they really are -- in 3-D. True, the fact that we can see Spy Kids 3-D in focus is no reward, but our superior ability to see shapes also improves our abilities in geometry and math. This explains why more men are math geniuses than women. Sure, the journal Science declared otherwise in 2008 and we are socialized to believe girls are less competent in this realm, but tradition is a hard thing to beat.
I didn't even finish reading this one - booooring.
No.6 - Shave our heads
Sure, Natalie Portman, Sigourney Weaver and Demi Moore all sheared their locks for Hollywood, but as a true lifestyle choice in everyday society, guys have mastered the bald top. From Michael Jordan to David Beckham to Samual L. Jackson guys wear bald better. Still need more proof? Just look at bald Britney. Result: Shaving our heads is something only men can do.
Don't a lot of men start shaving their heads because of male pattern baldness? I think I would change this one to "Something only men can do - go bald!". With the occasional cases of female alopecia as exceptions, I would give you that one, fair and square.
No.5 - Play real sports
Be honest; which of these would you prefer to watch: WNBA or NBA? NHL or women’s hockey? NFL or women’s rugby? MLB or softball? We understand that women play plenty of sports and, yes, they are good athletes, but their sports are a snoozefest to watch. An example, in the WNBA a slam dunk stops the presses, while in the NBA, unless it’s a back reverse through three defenders, it’s just another two points.
Ok, so women's professional sports aren't all that exciting to watch. But if you are deeming "real" sports as professional teams only, then how many men can say they play "real" sports either?
No.4 - Fertilize eggs
Call it mankind, humankind or peoplekind, we have fertilized history. Yes, our swimmers are under siege from early scientific studies that show women can create sperm from their own bone marrow. And of course, studies are also underway to grow babies out of the womb. Are these studies headed by lesbians? Anyway, until our offspring are named 1765A and 1766B, our tadpoles will continue to hit the target.
Whose eggs? Oh yeah - ours. Have fun fertilizing without us. This is one of those things we could go back and forth about - "we have eggs vs. we have sperm". Let's just call this one even for the time being.
No.3 - Pee standing up
Full bladder, but there’s a line for the urinal? Just step outside and pee behind a dumpster. On a camping trip? Pee and lean against a tree to steady your flow. While women have to unzip, pull down and crouch before they can go, our process is pretty simple: Find some cover, unzip and go. And if we want to write our name in the snow, we can see exactly what we’re doing.
Ok, I'll give you this one. This is a skill that we have yet to master.
No.2 - F*** things
Yep, we can stick ourselves into the middle of things better than anything else. Of course, some of us can do it better than others, but no amount of plastic pegs, rods or mambas can come close to our natural technique.
Alright, I guess this one is valid too. I will steal from the Cosmo list here and just mention multiple orgasms. Both are pretty good things - men have one, women have the other! Draw.
No.1 - Age well
Sorry ladies, all your creams, moisturizers and youth-in-a-bottle remedies have nothing on us. Our male hormones give us thicker skin, which means we get fewer wrinkles and our skin stays younger longer. While women have Joan Rivers to look forward to, we have Sean Connery. Keith Richards? Well, we’ll just count him as a genetic anomaly.
Really, this is your number 1? There are so many arguments for and against this one for both sides, I'm not even sure where to start.
Reorganize the list, move Pee Standing Up to number 1 and get rid of some of the dumb ones - then we'll have something.
http://www.askmen.com/top_10/entertainment/top-10-things-only-men-can-do_10.html
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/print-this/you/advice/21-things-women-can-do-that-men-cant
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2 comments:
Awesome. I love your answers. Both lists should really be called "List of things guys can do but girls can't and don't really want to do" and vice versa. Cos really, I'm sure guys care about drinking fruity drinks as much as I care about growing back hair.
No comment, just a bowl of jiggle ROFL's ... and you should try peeing standing up more often .. practice with the ABC's in the snow first.
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